You know you are from Southern Cali when....

I'm not sure if these observations about us SoCalians are all that flattering, but here you go.
For anyone who's never been to Southern California, I've added comments.

• Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.
• Home prices have tripled in the last ten years.
  
• You drive next to a Rolls Royce and don't notice.
• Exotic cars are dime-a-dozen in SoCal. Getting hit by one, however, is a one-in-a-million shot - unless you've got Danny Bonaduce driving one. Then again, poor Danny can't afford much more than a 350z convertible.
  
• You don't know anyone's phone number unless you check your cell phone.
• You speak Spanish, but you're not Mexican or are Mexican but don't speak Spanish at all.
• Spanish is the almost official second language in SoCal, since technically this was Mexico not too long ago, and more than half of the population is Hispanic.
  
• You begin to "lie" to your friends about how close you are when you know damn well that it'll take you at least an hour to get there (see below).
• Getting anywhere from point A to point B, no matter what the distance, takes about "twenty minutes".
• SoCal is criss-crossed by a network of highways, with downtown Los Angeles being a major highway hub. Most people live ten to fifteen minutes away from one. Once you get on a highway, all bets are off.
  
• You drive to your neighborhood block party.
• In the "winter", you can go to the beach and ski at Big Bear on the sameday.
• When the temperature hits 60 F, we bring out the ski jackets to go out for coffee. Surfers, however, hit the beach in wetsuits. Big Bear is a ski resort in San Bernardino county, about 8000 feet high up, that's 2 hours away from Los Angeles. You can easily drive up in the morning, ski half a day, come back, and still have time to go to Malibu Colony Plaza for some Siberian Java ice blended.
  
• You eat a different ethnic food for every meal.
• Even though NYC is the boiling pot, SoCal is home to various Asian, Hispanic, and European populations, and the restaurant diversity reflects that. Unlike NYC, SoCal is full of inexpensive, casual places where you can actually park, grab a bite, and not have to dress up.
  
• If your destination is more than 5 minutes away on foot, you're definitely driving.
• Ok, I get it, "nobody walks in LA". Since our public transportation is nothing to be proud of, and it's kinda hot throughout the year, cars are a need, not a luxury. Thus, parking is plentiful, inexpensive, and the roads are actually designed for driving. Then again, most of SoCal wasn't built until the 20th century, so cars were part of the design plan. At one point, before the 60s, Los Angeles had a great network of electric trams - until General Motors, bless their little shareholder-value-consumed brains, bought the trams, and got rid of them in one fell swoop. Thanks, GM putzes, for getting rid of something useful and historic.
  
• Calling your neighbors requires knowing their area code.
• In the US, unlike Europe, calling a mobile phone is no different from calling a landline. This is due to the fact that phone numbers for VOIP lines, landlines, and mobile phones are allocated from the same pool of numbers. Some neighborhoods, due to many homes having multiple landline and cellphone numbers, ran out of numbers and had to get an area code "overlay". In these "overlay" areas, neighbors have to dial the area code to call their neighbors. Most places, however, you can just dial the number without the area code.
  
• You know what "In 'N Out" is and feel bad for all the other states because they don't have any.
• In 'N Out is the best fast food hamburger place. It's family owned, with outlets throughout SoCal, Nevada, and Arizona. Their patties are never frozen, just refrigerated, they are always packed, so the meat doesn't have time to spoil, and they have a small menu. The shakes are made with real ice cream. Some of the packaging has little religious symbols discreetly printed on it, but it's not too in-your-face. Also, some off-the-menu items include "Animal Style" burgers - extra sauce, "Animal Style" fries - fries covered with melted cheese, fried onions, and sauce.
  
• You don't stop at a STOP sign; you do a California Roll.
• A California Roll is both a type of sushi roll (imitation crab meat and cucumber), and the act of not completely stopping the car at stop signs and left turns. In SoCal, cars must stop completely for 2 seconds at stops and turns, but most people either don't stop for the 2 seconds needed, or just slow down, and then speed up, never actually stopping completely.
  
• You really can never be too rich or too thin or too tan.
• You've partied in Tijuana at least 3 times.
• Tijuana, Mexico is only 2 hours away from Los Angeles, and only 15 minutes away from San Diego. With a $50 purchase of Mexican car insurance, it's an easy day trip.
  
• You don't remember at least 1 of them.
• What happens in TJ, stays in TJ.
  
• You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.
• Tanning salons are safer.
  
• You eat pineapple on pizza.
• Technically, that would be a Hawaiian pizza.
  
• Your cell phone has left a permanent impression on the side of yourhead.
• At least we aren't forced to wear headsets like the other coast.
  
• You think that Venice is a beach.
• The waitress asks if you'd like "carbs" in your meal.
• A result of the Dr. Atkins' diet craze of 2004, which proselityzed that carbs in food are terrible for the body, and that a diet rich in protein, and low in carbs is a quick and easy way to lose weight. Eventually the Atkins' movement lost steam, almost taking out such beloved institutions as In 'N Out (who had to introduce the "carb burger" - lettuce instead of bun), and Krispy Kreme (great cream-filled donuts).
  
• You know who the tinsel underwear dude in Venice Beach is.
• You classify new people you meet by their Area Code. An "818" would never date a "562" and anyone from "323" or "213" is ghetto/second class. Best area code: "949." Nobody likes anyone from the "909" because it stinks there.
• 818 - the "Valley" - covers "over the hill", from Pasadena on one side, to Ventura county on the other.
• 562 - ?
• 213 - Old Los Angeles area code, still covers downtown Los Angeles and downtown adjacents
• 323 - New Los Angeles area code, covers an area from Beverly Hills to East Los Angeles
• 949 - Orange County, including Newport Beach, Laguna Beach, etc.
• 909 - Riverside County, where you can smell the fertilizer used on farms everywhere.
• 310 - Covers the area from Beverly Hills all the way west to the ocean (Santa Monica), and almost all the way down to Orange County.
  
• You call 911 and they put you on hold.
• Second largest population in the nation - things can get a little busy.
  
• You have a gym membership because it's mandatory.
• The gym is packed at 3pm...on a workday.
• SoCal is full of WAMs (WaitressActressModel), who are waiting for auditions, soccer moms whose husbands are working and whose kids are in school, and trustafarians who don't really do much besides work out and party.
  
• You think you are better than the people who live "Over the Hill". It doesn't matter which side of the hill you are currently residing, you are just better than them, for whatever reason.
• SoCal is full of mountain ranges, and as they say - the grass is always greener on the other side. Angelenos hate the Valleyites, Pasadena is not a big fan of Glendale, and so forth.
  
• You know that if you drive two miles in any direction you will find a McDonald's or a Starbucks.
• This is very true. You can often find a McD's or a Strbx close to you, or within another business. Several Home Depots have the Mac inside, and you can often find Strbx inside large laundromats, supermarkets, etc.
  
• You know what "sigalert", "PCH", and "the five" mean.
• SIGAlert is a traffic alert
• PCH is Pacific Coast Highway, a.k.a. Highway CA-1, that goes along the coast, with ocean views along most of the drive. It's a small two-lane highway, but very scenic. By the way, I've seen smaller high-speed highways in Europe, but PCH is all about enjoying the drive, not getting there quickly. Also, exotic cars and motorcycles on PCH, especially in the Malibu/Zuma Beach/Ventura area are more common than small cars on European roads.
• "the five" is the US-5 freeway, which is old and jammed, but that cuts through most of SoCal.
  
• You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?
• California allows the use of pot for medicinal purposes, with a doctor's prescription. Unfortunately, federal law prohibits any use of pot, and while one may not get busted by the California authorities, the DEA does not share their views.
  
• It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH".
• What can I say - we live in the desert, people. It doesn't rain that often here - but when it does, all havoc breaks loose. Not sure why, but too many people forget how to drive as soon as a drop of water hits their windshield - whether it's the rain, or the guy in front who has his windshield washer aimed to shoot not his windshield, but that of the car behind him.
  
• The Terminator is your governor.
• Yes, it's true - Arnold "I'll Be Buk" Schwarzenegger, the man who butchered so many lines in so many movies, is the governor of this state. He can often be seen with his wife, the Skeletor, and his kids, on parade in his fleet of Hummers. Since he became governor, however, he has a personal SWAT team of security following him around, and blocking traffic when he chooses to "flip bitches" (u-turn) on PCH during rush hour.
  
• You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from California.
• And I'm passing them on to you, my dear readers, for your amusement, guffaws, and outrage. So remember - when in SoCal, do as the SoCalians do - and take it easy :)